polkadot diamonds in a striped sky

2007-09-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

I really really wish that I could be the kind of person that can take whatever life gives them and still be strong and not have to "un-burden" them self on someone else. Not that I've ever met someone like that. I'm just saying. It would be nice. Maybe. I think if I were like that, that I would probly have major trust/confiding-in problems. And that would be bad. I dunno. Maybe I'm just trying to wrestle things out in my head right now and maybe I want to tell someone - or better yet, I want someone who will already know what I want to say/get-off-my-chest without my having to say a word. Now, this probly doesn't really make sense - but hey, that's cuz this is my little space where I can write whatever I want. haha Ok, well, I'm so thankful for my friends who listen to me and understand me. Sometimes I wish that I could just stay with them all the time and stay away from family issues etc. But I suppose if I lived with only friends, well, first of all, I wouldn't meet new people and second, I would probly develop problems with my friends. Anyways, life seems to be a vicious cycle. Not that I've just noticed that. whatever

So, I have completed my second week of school. I think that I enjoyed them. I was/am pretty proud of myself cuz I have stayed on schedule like for the whole two weeks. But, we'll see how I am doing in like 5 more weeks... Anyways, I really like my written analysis of lit. class. Although, I think I am going to get pretty frustrated with it pretty soon. You see, we have to write a paper on two or three poems and Liz (who loves writing) said that she didn't really like this paper (she's taken the same class with the same Prof. and all...) so yea. Maybe I'm just being my usual pessimist self but I can't really help that. And usually when I try to think on the bright side of things, people laugh at me so anyways, back on subject... Last class I was in small group with these two guys that were in my last ENG class and they were being annoying. But it's not like that was a new thing either. They mostly sent the whole time we were supposed to be discussing the poems, trying to convince me that I had mad the Prof from our last class cry. Whatever. Ha, it was kinda funny though cuz they said that when the first met me last year, they thought I was scary and mean and they told each other that they didn't ever want to really meet me or talk to me. I'm so pleased. Well, sort of. I think they were sorta joking. Anyways, they're dumb. Besides, I'm not that scary. Or am I? Whatever. I'll live. I don't mind being scary either. >: B So yea, my job is going well and I'm still gonna try to get a job at Sbux too... so well see how that goes. I mean, I'll see how that goes. I'm not like a 'we'. ok, then, never mind. Welpers, I have to go help my mum make salsa. I don't even really like our homemade salsa. Oh well too bad for me. ok, I'm going.

" I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them"
-from Wonderful by Everclear

2007-08-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Wowsers. I haven't posted since school ended. And now it's begining again. ha How time flies. Too bad it flies faster when you're having fun. This summer has been THE MOST AWESOME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not very hard when you've only had 17. I went to the sunshine state, the golden state, and now I'm in the crossroads. ha I can't wait to go to the fair tomorrow. but I'm most excited to see Ellie. I haven't seen her since before I went to CA. I mean, I've seen the Blackwoods more recently. : ) They're most of the reason my summer was so great. So thanks guys!!! I had SUCH a great time in FL. I'm pretty sure that this ECHO trip was the best out of all four. The leaders were awesome. Thanks guys for making that trip so fun. I already can't wait for FMP and WC. And next summer. haha I'm in a weird mood right now. Probly cuz I'm listening to *gasp* country music. haha Don't ask me why, it's not like I like the stuff. Right now I think my favorite song is Forever by Papa Roach. But that was kinda random. Welpers. I have school to do. : P I'll try to post more later. Soon. Love y'all. (that's about as "country" as I go hehe)

"rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways if your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgement" the Preacher

2007-04-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I have like 5 minutes to post something so this'll be really short. I guess I don't really have anything to say. Which is sorta surprising. Well, I could say I'm PSYCHED for the Blackwoods to come back. But I think everyone already knows that. Anyways, my ENG 101 class at Marian will be over on Thursday. It's kinda sad and really happy at the same time. But I still have WVs. I have a speech and a freakin long paper due. Which obviously Quine didn't think is very important since he took it out of his revised edition of our syllabus . Oh well. I am really excited for SONrise. Although it seems like it shouldn't be happening yet. I remember SONrise two years ago and the things I was doing and everything so I dunno, it just seems like I should've forgotten them before it happens again. Ok, well, I must go.

"How tartly that gentleman looks! I can never see him but I am heart-burned an hour after" William Shakespeare (in one of his plays - I forget which though)

2007-04-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Well, this post is gonna be short cos I have to run to class soon. I guess I don't really have anything to say besides this weather sucks and I hate it. I wish it would just be spring. Oh, I forgot, I also wanna say that I am soooooooooo excited that school is gonna be out in like 2.5 weeks. VERY exciting. I also am gonna say that I am soooo happy cos I AM GOING TO ECHO NEXT MONTH!!!!!! hehe It's one of those things that you seem to wait for forever and then it sneaks up on you. Kinda like a birthday. Or something. I am also very excited for SONrise and that Corban is going to e-mail me. hehe (I'm more excited for the former than the later). Anyways, I have been working on having a positive attitude because "we do not make things happen by what we think, so think positively, not negatively." (Max from Madeline L'Engle's "A House Like A Lotus") Anyways, I have to go now. But I won't run to class.

"those things that hurt, instruct" - Ben Franklin

"it's completely counter to general thinking today, where we're taught to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Pain needs to be moved through, not avoided" Ursula (from the above book)

2007-03-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't posted in FOREVER. Life has been so busy. Well, even if it hasn't I'll still blame it on that. Last weekend, at the HSC, I got this book by Madeline L'engle called The Arm of the Starfish. It was really good. Well, I love all the books I've read by her. But she quoted this Robert Frost poem (called Two Tramps in Mud Time) and here is the last verse:
But yield who will to their separation,
My object in living is to unite
My avocation and my vocation
As my two eyes make one in sight.
Only where love and need are one,
And the work is play for mortal stakes,
Is the deed ever really done
For Heaven and the future's sakes.
I really really like it. I guess it's just a good reminder to me to make all my job's and work stuff an opportunity to honor God and therefore make the boring/distasteful things enjoyable. Anyways, there are some not so deep comments and random thoughts that I've been having. So now I have to try to think of a quote to put up. hmmm.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn...Is just to Love, and be Loved in return" Toulouse

2007-02-19T13:44:00.000-08:00

Uuuuggghhhh. I am begining to feel the reprocutions (sp) of not eating in three days. haha Now you are worried. hehe, Truth is, I've had a fever/bug and yea, not fun stuff lemme tell ya. Thank goodness it was ONLY a fever (like as in no vomiting etc.) So yea. I am doing better. I'm looking on the bright side and being glad that I got sick on the weekend instead of during the week. So anyways, this is really short. Too bad. You'll jsut have to live with it. : ) Love y'all and God bless!!!

"Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean; but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox" Proverbs 14:4

2007-01-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

Welpers, I am posting on my blog mostly for lack of something better to do. I have a conference thingy with my English teacher. I am not nervous or anything but I do wonder what we're gonna talk about. (besides English I mean) Well, yesterday's evening service was sooooo good. We (Christ Church) had Larry Wilson preach for us since Michael is out of town. Anyways, Mr. Wilson talked on Genesis 22 and yea. Last night I was super depressed but that was no surprise. I knew I was gonna be cuz I was happy on Saturday night. But, then I called the Blackwoods and I got to talk to Maria for 1 hour and 58 minutes and some seconds. I felt a lot better after that. We talked about memories of getting spankings and our different "traditions", then we talked about how we laugh. teeheehee. t'was tons of fun. Abby and Liz tried to evesdrop and they kept gettign annoyed cuz I laughed the whole time. Well, on Saturday I cleaned out my closet and then I had Eminem's "cleaning out my closet" song stuck in my head for a LONG time. It was annoying. See, I have a problem with getting songs stuck in my head all the time. Mostly I guess cuz when people say things that have something to do with a song I know my mind starts singing it. Anyways, I knwo I am not the only one. So, this weekend I hope to go up to lafayette for the organizational mtg of Emmanuel (?) . I am happy. Right now I think that I am just mostly content with my life. But I don't' know if that's good or bad. Anyways, love y'all.

Is turquoise more green or blue?

2007-01-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

All we ever do is talk...

This has got to be the most depressing winter ever. The only time I have been glad we didn't have snow was at winter conference. And that was only cuz I had forgotten me shoes and had to do the stress challenge in my clogs. Which wouldn't have been very nice if there had been snow.

Winter conference this year was probably my favorite. Rut Etheridge did an awesome job. God really used him to proclaim His word in a clear and applicable way. The "topic" was The Holiness of the Church. The main passage of scripture was Hebrews 12. I enjoyed my discussion group and really loved my counseling group. Virginia Landow was my counselor. This year I had/got to sleep in an 8-person room. I wasn't too thrilled about that when I got there but I am really glad that I got to room with all the people I did. I was also really happy that Allen and Zach… got to come for the last full day. And Amy was there!

Anyways, Christmas this year was sorta depressing. Sometimes I wonder why it is such a big deal. I mean, I realize that we remember Christ's birth and "mission" but yea. I'm not a "Scrooge" but I'd almost sooner say 'humbug' than 'merry Christmas'. haha jk. This year my family hosted Christmas Eve and Christmas and New Years dinners. I got a little stressed. So, I guess I FELT like saying humbug but just look, I survived and I didn't even get single gray hair or another ulcer. :) (why does everyone either say, "you're too young to have an ulcer!"-friends- or "it's no wonder"-family-?) Fine, I'll admit that I stress out too much and am a "worry-wart" but yea. I think I am getting off topic.

I think this is the first year that I haven't made any New Year's resolutions. Is that bad? I certainly do NOT think that I have nothing to work on. I guess I just thought that if they weren't resolutions that I might actually DO them. jk. This past year has been so different than any year before. I have done new things I have stopped old habits. I have learned from stupid things I have done and grown in my walk with God. I have a better relationship with my parents. I have given counsel and received it in turn. I started driving. hehe I have met and corresponded with people I hadn't really known before. God is so great. He has been faithful to me and held me up even when I was still trying to save myself.

I am currently reading "On Food and Cooking - the Science and Lore of the Kitchen" by Harold McGee. I have already been told that I am extremely nerdy. (by a geek who is studying law no less) jk You may laugh now but I can prolly say that I'll know more about the chemistry of a fish sauce's consistency than you do when I'm done. haha Once you get past the 'nerdiness' of that statement it is actually kinda funny. But, it could be just my nerdy brain. I like this book though for two reasons (well, prolly more but I wouldn't want to bore you any more than I am right now): 1- it is really interesting b/c it's not a cook book but it's all the reasons why; and 2- it recommends Cook Wise (by Shirley Corriher)- the cook book that Andy C. gave me at ECHO. There you go.

"I am living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart"
e e cummings

"To get back on your feet, miss two car payments"
unknown (that's alright, I wouldn't admit to saying this either)

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something"
Jackie Mason

"You appeal to a small, select group of confused people"
fortune cookie

Song: "Silly World" -- Stone Sour

2006-12-17T19:26:00.000-08:00

Clap your hands for the MOOOOOOOOOOOsik
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I got music! Yaaayyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Charity is the coolest person in the world. Well...at least in the Australia part of the world. I MISS THE BLACKWOODS SO MUCH! I wish they were going to Winter Conference. It is pretty cool that the Joneses are going, though. I might go see them when their plane comes in, but I really don't know what time it's landing and I don't really want to stand around an airport all of Monday. I LOVE Mondays! Except...not really.

So I wrote this rap song, to bring out my inner-black-person-ness, and I recorded it! I would put it on here, but I decided to put "Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz instead because it is beeeautiful! Anyway, about my rap song... So yeah it is totally amazing, dudes, and I like to play it every night before I go to sleep. It kind of annoys my sisters, but they will recant their insults once I'm famous for it!

Here's part of it:
my dog is smelly
and brown (yo, yo)
I like to take him to town
My daddy gives me a frown (yo, yo)
I'd like to give him a bath
to clear my brain of math (yo, yo)
....................

I like cows. How about you?

2006-11-22T15:44:00.000-08:00

FAP!!! I just got a paper cut on my finger where it bends. I don't know what you call it, it's not my knuckle or anything. Oh well, it doesn't matter. Well, Thanksgiving, then December then Christmas then WC then the New Year. AHHHH Where has the year gone? I think this year has been the shortest year I ever remember. But, I am happy cuz my 17th is in like 9 days. Yippee!!! I really wanna drum set. But I don't know if I'll get it. I wouldn't be surprised (if I didn't that is). Oh well. My mom keeps asking me what I want and I really don't know. I mean, the only things I want are like a job, a trip to Australia, a car - things I can't get - either b/c of money of availability issues. Anyways, I wrote a tune to one of my "songs". The mor eI look at the things I have written and stuff, the more I think that they are mostly stupid. But, that is how I was feeling or whatever. Maybe I just have stupid emotions. Well, I already knew that. Do you know how much I annoy myself when I start a sentance with 'well', 'anyways', or 'so'? *sigh* I depress myself too much. This is very random. B/c I don't have internet in my house, I usually forget all my "brilliant" things to write about. Oh well. UUUGGGHHH there I go again. Um, (yea! that's what I'll start with - like in real life - hehe) um, I forgot what I was gonna say. That is SOOO annoying. Now I am annoying myself also. Bother. I should go. Before I do something else to myself.

"How absurd to call youth the time of happiness - youth, the time of greatest vulnerability!" Agatha Christie

2006-11-16T12:12:00.000-08:00

After watching twon Shakespeare movies last night (Much ado about nothing and Hamlet) I was kinda almost wishing that we still spoke like that today. Today, people are so uncreative and we can hardly think for ourselves. Why would we need to? We have computers to do everything. It's kinda sad how lazy our American culture is. Anyways, of that delightful subject. The more I read (and watch - whether in movies or plays) Shakespeare, the more I like it. Him. Whatever. I think my favorite play is (well, currently anyways) The Merchant of Venice. I really like the quote in it, "It is hard to refuse a friend but even harder to oblige him." Well, that's not like word for word or anything. Anyways, it is so true.
The End.

"There is no "I" in 'love'. But, then again, there's no "u" (you) either" AT, aka Dr. R

2006-10-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone out there. Hope you're having a reall yfun time. I am not right now. I don't know why but I seem to be either really depressed or really hyper/slap-happy. hehe Not like thats any surprise to those of you who actually know me. Tis prolly cuz I have a rare disease called "empathy disorder". (side note: is a disorder ever technically called a disease?) You know, that don't make no sense. It just don't make no sense at all. Well, I wouldn't call it a disease but it sure works like one sometimes. My prob is that I am just to "carried away", or perhaps "moved" is better, by everyones emotions around me. When they are happy, I am happy. When they are sad/depressed, I get depressed. Well, not ALL the time. But a lot. *humph* Now, I am not saying that I am compelled to act or not to act based upon the people I'm with. By all means no. I just tend to let my feelings/emos run away with the crowd. Not good for me a'tall. Well, off that subject/topic what ever you wanna call it.
My cousins + uncles +aunt left this morning. Last night though, My uncles and aunt and I were building a puzzle and we were trying to ignore all the screaming/noise coming from the basement. So, we started talking about kids (surprise surprise). And my aunt was like, "How many kids do you think is the right nomber?" (dialoge to cont. R=me, A=aunt, U=an uncle)
R - Well, I definatley think that 10 is a little too many. I think 7 is a pretty good number but I'll take whatever God gives me.
U - wow, that is still alot. Not that much difference with 7 and 10
R - yea but when it comes to kids, 3 can make a humongo difference
A - well, 7 certainly wouldn't really cut down on the screaming
R - I know but, my kids aint' gonna scream
*all chuckle*
A - well, when you find the secret, come tell us
R - okay.

Anyways, I am kicking myself because I really wanted to say, "Well, your kids would act a WHOLE lot better if you would discipline them. I mean come on! If you raise them so that they know if they scream they get what they want, then duh! They are gonna scream and (excuse the expression) "raise hell" over EVERYTHING. I mean HELLO!!" Well, I am really glad I didn't say that but yea, I wish I could've. But yea. Anyways. I love them, I just don't really know how to witness to them. Welperdoodles.
The End.

"It takes no time to fall in love. But it takes you years to know what love is" Jason Mraz in Life is Wonderful on the Mr. A-Z album (gotta love Jason hehe)

2006-10-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

Hello hello, I am currently (what a funny word) at my grandparents house. I just sang in my cousins wedding. uuuggghhh, My voice broke on the first verse, but thankfully that was it. I wish that my body would realize that I don't sing very well when my stomach is feeling weird and my mouth is all dry. *sigh* Welpers, I am going to the reception soon. You know, I really don' t know my cousins very well. This comp is sooo weird. Hey Charity, MJ and Tamarose, I really really miss you all. I am surrounded by hicks and it is not so fun. Well, I should prolly be going soon.

"To love yourself is the beginning of a life-long romance" (I don't know who said it)

2006-10-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

*sigh* I feel depressed right now. I have NO idea why though. I just got my licence, I have a job interview tomorrow, I passed the placement test at Marian. Why do I feel like this then? Welpers, here's a little sompthin or other.

the sinking feeling, that
something’s not right
turns into a beast
with a savage bite

alone in the woods, darkness
all around
you call for help but
you hear no sound

silence
the fatal reply
bleeding to death
with no one
by your
side

cast away from life
“you’re imperfect”
they say
who cares what
they play in their
rooms filled
with s
why does it matter?
you know it’s just crap
talking, walking, living
it seems you are
with the rest of the world
but no, it’s not true
cuz who cares
who gives a
[thought] about you

a nobody. lost in
space and time
yes you’re alive
yes you’re here
but what about that?
what does it mean?
what should we do?
pamper you, spoil you?
tuck you in bed?
turn out the light

it seems you’re alive
that’s cuz you are

whose there for
everybody else?
do you care that they
are just like you?
different time,
different place,
different pains,
different face

and then the sun rises
and you see the reason
why nobody
called to you
when you were alone
they were all calling too
and listening for the
answers themselves

the day passes on
but the night will come
soon
so turn off the light
cuz it’s fake, it’s not
you

the time will come
when the light
never fades
when dark never
rises
to grab at
your feet
when your nightmares
will be chased
away
by the one
who found
the
real you,
the
one that was
hiding
in
the black
night

oh bother.

welp, here's my quote:

"the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits" Unknown

2006-10-03T16:46:00.000-07:00

Welpers, I don't really feel like being original right now so I am not gonna be.

"Only the shallow know themselves" Oscar Wilde

"Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand" Unknown

"Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry" George Ade

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger" Franklin P. Jones

"Never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose" Unknown

"I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people" Jackie Mason

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I" Frank Crow

"The learned are seldom pretty fellows, and in many cases their appearance tends to discourage a love of study in the young" H. L. Mencken

"Better that a girl has beauty than brains because boys see better than they think" Unknown

tata, that means enough for now.
ruthypeepers

2006-09-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

haha, cathy is trying to box!!! She looks real fierce. I am really hyper and I can't wait till FMP starts. This afternoon, during world views class, I made fun of charismatics and I think I offended Caleb. I am mortified. But not really. Anyways, I think I just ate too much chocolate. hehe I am gonna try to be really good tonight. *sneaky laugh*

"Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I''ll show you a man who can't put his pants on." Joe E. Lewis

2006-09-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

Howdy,
Surprise surprise, I am baby sitting again. I am exhausted. Totally and utterly pooped if I do say so myself. This is gonna be real short cuz the kidos "need" me to watch a movie with them. It is A Bugs Life. hehe I love the short film before it. Welpers. *sigh* My myspace is STILL having probs. Just a note, spell check don't work on this comp cuz the pop ups are blocked and I am just not gonna mess wit it so sorry bout the errors.

"If at first you don't succeed, try try again. But after that, stop trying. No sense making a [fool] of yourself." who knows, I certaintly don't care.

2006-09-25T08:05:00.000-07:00

This is my first post ever. Right now I am babysitting at the Thompsons. I am having some problems using the comp. *sigh* I have TONS of school to do. I am hopefully getting a job (at least applying for one) this week. Sorry to all those who commented on my Myspace. This comp. won' t let me do anything on my account.

"There is no such thing as gravity. The earth sucks." Graffito